Friday, 1 April 2011

Being Positive.....a bit of a "deep" post for me...





I like to think of myself as a pretty positive person.  I usually tend to see the bright side of things, or the way to make a bleak situation better, but I have really been challenged, and felt a check in my spirit about the way I see my little daughter Kendyl. 

She has always been so very different to our Asher....testing boundaries...temperamental....full of "spirit"...well, to sum it all up "a handful".

Is it a daughter thing?  Is it a "youngest child" syndrome thing??  Seriously we never had tantrums with Asher, but Kendyl has mastered this already and she's not even 2 yet!
She's the kind of child you can't "just chill" with. You are constantly having to look over your shoulder...for a number of reasons....
......she could get hurt
......she could hurt someone else
......she might destroy something...
......She may decide to escape!!

As a result of this...I find I am constantly on her case.  "Stop that"..."Don't"...."No..naughty"... "Hands off" ... "Come on...Nice hands"... etc.

Now please don't get me wrong, I love my baby girl with all of my heart and soul and am thankful for her.  I have absolutely no bonding issues with her, infact, we are bonded too well, as she still loves to have boobies when she can ((gasp and she's going to be 2 at the end of April!!)).  She can make my heart melt with one of her cheeky chuckles, or funny sentences....she makes me laugh a lot.....but she can also be so testing when she wants!!

But today, I really felt a conviction in my heart about the way I see her....the way I say not so nice things about her...for example:  People often stop us to comment on her eyes...or her hair (which she has masses of)...  strangers in the street or in shops etc stop us to say...."oh what a cutie" or "your baby is so gorgeous" to which I reply..."Well don't let those looks fool you....she's a (insert one of the following)..  ratbag/little madam/brat/full on little menace   and so on and so forth. 
Now even though its said in a half joking manner, I have realised that these words I have spoken over her time and time again are really sinking in and making me see her in that way.  In a tainted light I guess. 
A lovely friend pointed out to me today some really positive things about my Kendyl, and also my big boy, and also encouraged me on my mothering... and for the first time in a long while, I really believed it (particularly the bit about my little girl).  Yes, she is just a "normal" 2yr old bub testing out her limits...she is full on and confident, and is learning to stand up for herself.. Yes she is a bit of a cutie and when people compliment her, I should thank them instead of coming up with a "line" about her...

I hope this lovely friend doesn't mind that I'm going to share her message with others....but it was so encouraging to me that I bawled and felt really awesome after reading it... Here's what she wrote:

Chloë ******  31 March at 20:29 Report

Had another thing to say - coz you know - I always have something to say LOL


I have had random people talk to me about how lovely your kids are. Both of them. They are extremely lovely children. Not only very very cute but really lovely natured too. Gentle and kind and mindful of other people. Really really awesome kiddos.


I kid you not. Random people. And I quote:


"That Asher Bassett is such a sweet boy. Just such a nice kid, you know?" from a mother of someone else in your boys class at school
AND
"Kendyl is the sweetest child ever. I just want to steal her, she is so lovely" Another Playcentre Mum


They are a credit to your great parenting. Really. And I think sometimes its nice to hear something good about our kids. We all think so much about the things we need to work on that its easy to forget all the things we have done right.


I see your mothering and I just think you are fantastic. Right back to the first day I met you at Playcentre and you were playing a game with your Asher and you were his wife ♥ I remember thinking - what a cool Mum!

How nice to have such cool/awesome and encouraging friends huh?

Just made my day.

I am making an effort now....to focus on the positive....to parent with love and understanding ... and to enjoy my blessings!



8 comments:

  1. Oh it is definitely a second child thing, I feel much the same way with mine - especially at that age. But truely your children are a credit to you. Asher is the most polite kind boy (I so wish he was in the same class this year as my Ella) and Kendyl has a brilliant little personality (and she is so cute too).
    The second child is there to push the boundaries, but they can also be super adorable to make good on any behaviour... and they do get better ;)

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  2. I had a similar conviction with my Ash Neetz. Parenting is hard work sometimes. I got the guilts with my thoughts and the things I've said. Its a challenge but a choice aye to do the positive when our resolve has been tested. Our words have power. Love you girl. Your bub knows her mumma loves her. You're a lovely mumma. xx

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  3. My first and fourth have been this way - so good Neetz... I needed to hear this today!

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  4. Thanks Becky and Kylie. And thanks for your awesome words xxx

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  5. Love this Neetz...Our words really are powerful arent they. Great reminder to keep looking at the good stuff about our kids and not just the stuff we want to change in them
    xx

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  6. Neetz, as we were talking about today...you have a beautiful daughter, I love her to bits as she has so much SPUNK! Little ones like her are challenging for their mums and then they go to school and the teachers fall in love with their personalities and spunk too!
    You are an amazing Mum. Keep doing what you;re doing because it sounds like other people are noticing too what awesome kids you have.

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  7. You are an AMAZING mum who has beautiful children. I love that you have shared this with us because I have felt the same way too! xxx

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  8. I'm the same with The Jord, please really challenge me if I ever complain about him again! I read this last week: http://www.mumsontop.com/pantley-parenting-tips and it gave me a good kick up the pants.
    So I hear ya!

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You truly ROCK for leaving a comment .. Ta Muchly xx
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