Friday, 14 June 2013

Tragic, Needless deaths.

A few weeks ago, our family experienced another loss.
This time it was neither illness/accident that resulted in the loss of lives, but a murder.

My wonderful cousin Carmen and her husband Ivan were murdered by Ivans nephew (raised as his brother).  Those of you in New Zealand would have seen it on the News or in the papers.

I was sleeping in on the Sunday morning as I had a late night gig, and got home at some awful hour of the morning.... my phone had been going crazy, but I was catching up on sleep, so just ignored it.  When I finally got up around midday, I had messages from my brother telling me to ring him ASAP.  He told me what had happened, and that our cousin was fighting for her life, and being sent by Emergency helicopter to our city for treatment.
I got ready and headed up to ICU and waited for her arrival. I met up with a few other cousins too, and we waited.  Our Aunty couldn't fly with Carmen as Carmens son was too upset and wanted his Nana to stay with him... so she was on her way via Car.  A few of us cousins were allowed in to see Carmen, and what a heart-wrenching moment....seeing your usual "full of life" and "life of the party" Cuz laying there on a life support system.  My heart ached for our Aunty, and for our other cousins (Carmens Brothers/sister), and of course Carmens kids.  It was awful to think that Ivan was laying still at the scene of the crime.  It was truly surreal.

We stood and talked to Carmen, held her hand... told her to fight if she could!  Told her how much we loved her.  We were told that the results of her scan showed that the damage to her brain, from the bullet that was still there would be too extensive to recover from.

By this stage a number of other friends/family had arrived, so I left to go home and get my children ready for bed, then I went back up to support my Aunty and her family. It was the most heartbreaking of nights as they turned off the life support system, we held her hands, and watched our cousin slip away.  Her son clinging to her lifeless body, now an orphan. ................................ Tragic... so very tragic and Needless!

Carmen was such a wonderful woman.  She was the kind of cousin who really cared, even though we didn't see each other too often.  We'd catch up at family functions, or up town, and it was always lovely, never one of those meetings where it was draining... she was always a breath of fresh air.  We always laughed. She was always smiling, and trying to steal everyones children!!

Over the last year, she was such a blessing to me, even though I never really told her that.  She and Ives came and stayed out at the resort, when we had my Dads 60th birthday in September.  And that was a blast, we got to catch up, spend some quality time together.... then in December when my Dad died, she came and like many other cousins worked their butts off in the kitchen of our Marae, serving people as they came and paid their respects to my Dad and our family.  She worked hard!  She would text me regularly to say "How are you doing my cousin?"  or "I'm thinking of you".  At Christmas...early in the morning, I got a text from her wishing us well on our first Christmas without Dad.... saying to "keep strong, and to try and enjoy your day even though I know you'll be misisng Uncle Charlie"... and again the next week when it was my 40th birthday, and didn't feel like celebrating.  I got another one New years eve, New years day, and then regularly, the last being about 2 weeks before her death.  

I miss her a lot, and those texts I still have saved in my phone. 

I wish that I had told her how wonderful I thought she was for taking the time to send me all that love via text.... for thinking about me when she did.  I wish that I had taken more photos of us at Dads birthday. 
I have so many "I wish's" in my head, but once again, it's made me remember that we need to really let our friends and family know how special they are to us... how loved and how wonderful, as we never know when that will be the last time we see them. 

Now I'm going to make an effort to support (awhi) Carmens Mum, kids, siblings, .......... remind them how loved they are and really try and help them through this awful time!

RIP Ivan and Carmen.  We love you so much and you are and will always be so very missed.

Challenge:  Go and tell someone today that you love and appreciate them!!!


  1. Oh my gosh Neetz, I did not make the connection. All I can say is that my heart is with you and your family. So today I am telling YOU that I love you and appreciate you. If we lived near to one another I have no doubt we'd be good buddies, you are a special lady xxx much love to you xxx

    1. Aww thanks for that Precious Lady! I'll look forward to meeting up with you one day!! ;) xxx

  2. This is gut words just thoughts and prayers for you and the family. xx

  3. So so sad Neetz. Comforting knowing that their little boy has someone awesome like you in his whanau. Xoxo

  4. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

    I can't even imagine... so, so sorry.

    Prayers for you and the whanau.

  5. Oh Neetz :(
    So tragic. love and prayers to you and your family xxx

  6. Am SO sorry to hear this sad news Neetz. Much aroha to you and your family. xx

  7. Oh how sad, so sorry to hear about this! Thanks for sharing your heart. xx

  8. Ah Neetz, your post is such a beautiful testiment to these special loved ones. ((hugs)) x Clare

  9. Ah this made my heart truly ache. I have read your blog before (when I used to blog so many moons ago..haha), and came back to it tonight via someone else's blog (as you do!). I read posts like this and I just think man, why does stuff like this have to happen to such lovely people. I know tho, that we don't always get to find out the 'why' in this lifetime, we are just left to pick up and carry on with what is left. Its not until a few weeks later that it really sets in. I hope, reading this comment a few weeks later, that you are experiencing the love and support of your wider whanau as you grieve together, what were obviously 2 amazing family-oriented people. Much aroha to you, your family and to their 2 children left behind. Kia kaha.

  10. Kia kaha & lot of aroha to you & your family.


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