Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Reflecting/Remembering.

Hi.
Im still alive.
Im just taking some time out.
This month/next holds a lot of really raw emotions for me, as I remember what was going on this time last year.
I am feeling "raw".
I am missing my Daddy.
Just as I thought I was coping admirably, it's all come crashing down again.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling depressed, or "hopeless". 
I'm just sad, and raw, and full of memories.

This time last year, I was off to bed early.  We had an early morning start, as we were going to head to Middlemore hospital, in time to meet up with my Dads doctors, and to get some results from some tests they'd been doing on my Dad.  We weren't overly worried, as Dad had been looking better than he had for a long time, and we thought we'd just find out what had caused his lung to collapse whilst he was down there having a check up of his operation site (for something totally unrelated!).  We thought we'd pop down and catch up with my sister in law who was having chemo at the time, and my brother who was also down there visiting.  We really were none the wiser to what was going on, or the severity of the news that would hit us on the 28th...

A year ago today..... we never imagined that tomorrow, we'd find out that my Dad had terminal small cell lung cancer.  (he was a non smoker).  We never imagined the pain our hearts and heads would feel tomorrow.... we never thought we'd hear the doctor say "we can't offer any treatment", and when our sobbing, bereft broken hearted Mum said "What do we do now?" the answer would be "just go home".............................................................
We never imagined our Dad asking how long before this disgusting malicious, family destroying disease would take him..............
How could we have imagined the heartbreak that was coming?  Dad had been so well.

On the 28th of November 2012, at approximately 11am, we found out that our Dad had approximately 4months left with us...............unless there was to be a miracle.

Imagine how dumbfounded we were when 5 days later, Our Dad died.

Thinking about my beautiful strong, courageous Daddy even more today and the next little while.
<3
Missing him like crazy x

16 comments:

  1. Thinking of you all at this time...hope the coming days are filled with the precious memories of your dad that leave you smiling. x

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    1. Thanks so much Bron. Hey I was thinking of you a couple of weeks ago, as guess what was returned to me in the mail??? The card I had made you!!!!! What an idiot.... I hadn't addressed it properly!!!! Anyway, I have now made you a new card, and once I get some stamps, it will be winging its way to you!!! (what a ditz I am!!) hahaha.. it looks like it had been all over the place too! Nevermind... I have a new one and will slip a Chrissy card in with it too!! Love lots, and thanks for your lovely comment xxxx Neetz x

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  2. Lovely Charlie. You are a testament to you parents love, kindness and compassion. Love you Neetz. xx

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    1. Thanks my darlin'... and love to you too... as the loss of your Daddy is so fresh and new xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (great to see you the other day too xxx) xx

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  3. thinking of you my beautiful friend, the firsts are always the hardest all my loves xxxxx

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    1. Oh man... this and leading up to it... has been tough... rehashing the goings on.. the last days.. etc.. Heading up to Mums in the next few days, will be nice to be with her and my bro and all the family xxx Thanks for your loves xx

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  4. Massive love Neetz. So sad - so glad you will have forever with him though too. Xoxo

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    1. So very true!! That's why we don't have the "hopelessness"huh? we have a hope of seeing them again!!! That's the awesome bit! xx

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  5. Lots of love and hugs coming your way - He must have been an amazing man to have a fabulous daughter like you xo Bet he's partying it up in heaven - but stink to be the ones left here for now!! *hugs*

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    1. Thanks heaps Simone xx Yeah, will be so cool where he is... xx

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  6. My heart broke for you when I heard the news. I know how close you are to your dad. You are such an amazing lady and I know that your dad will be up there smiling down on you, Bob, your mum and your whole whanau. I was up at the urupa a few months ago to visit my besties mum and I called in to say hi to your dad. All my love to you all. xxoo

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    1. Aw thanks so much lovely <3 Thanks for visiting my Daddy too xxxxxxx Love lots xx

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  7. You are so brave Neetz, hold onto the amazing, inspiring and true heroism of your daddy. What a legend. Arohanui, x

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You truly ROCK for leaving a comment .. Ta Muchly xx
(Due to lots of spam I have turned the word verification on again!) sorry x